My First Little Guest

Saturday morning brought my first little guest and her mommy to tea. My artistic little eight-year-old princess wore a black and white taffeta sun dress with white gloves and a wide-brimmed hat decorated with purple flowers and trailing tulle. She was all manners and politeness. She was readily observant, typical of a first-born girl. For two hours she skipped about my apartment looking at my things, conversing with me using mature vocabulary (Is that the Eiffel Tower? she asked when she saw a miniature on my bookshelf.), and inquiring about my France pictures (There is a pink animal in the background of one of your pictures, and we are wondering if it is a pig or a bear.) 

We told her mother about pictures she had drawn in Sunday School this year, pictures illustrating the lesson or the memory verses. One picture was of a bridge crossing a deep chasm in which a fire roared. The bridge crossed to heaven. Some people thought they could jump across the chasm, but they fell headlong into the fire. The fire is hell and the bridge is Jesus. Or the other picture of a little girl caught in a raging flood crying out to God to save her. He hears her call, and He sends an angel who, in turn, sends a helicopter with her mommy in it to rescue the little girl. But, my little princess understands that even if God decided that the best way to rescue the little girl was to bring her to heaven, then if she were trusting Him, He would come down to her, wrap his loving arms around her, and carry her safely to heaven. The look on her face when we talk thus is spiritually sweet. My sense is that she feels deeply loved and secure in the thought of departing this earth and going to heaven.

I loved having my little friend. And she enjoyed being enjoyed. 

While my perception of my calling to this hamlet is to be a consistent, loving presence in my children's lives, I realized Saturday morning that the mother of my little princess might need a friend, too. I wonder with anticipation what living in this community will bring. 

Secrets of the Mountain

I cannot say I had even begun settling into my own little hut here in this hamlet, when the Shepherd of the Mountain -- the Shepherd of my little sheep, my own Shepherd indeed -- came visiting. I love the sparkle in His eye, foretelling secrets that He will share with me. His visits excite me to watch closely and listen readily. He is a magnet to my full attention.

We speak of the children and my relationship to the hamlet. I tell Him I feel good about being here: establishing relationships, adding my gifts to the building of the community, exercising His grace in the maintenance of my little hut. It feels good to rest from my wanderings, I tell Him.

But, there is this little itch....

And then, the sparkle in His eye springs forward. He tells me my adventures are not over, just different. Instead of wandering the heights, I will now operate within and from this little hamlet. "From" this hamlet, I ask? Yes. For this beautiful, huge mountain - yet unknown by me - is just as much mine as it is the other inhabits'. It holds delightful secrets contained for my discovery. He Himself will guide me to these jewels on excursions deep into its heart. During such, my Lord will teach me to listen for and know His voice. He will show me His greatness and power and might; His grace; His person. I am eager and hungry for this time of discovery with Him, of Him. 

He's already suggesting a walk in the woods. It seems overwhelming, this foray into the deeps; but one step at time is all He requires of me.

And so I go.


Next Post in Series: Choosing the Path of Life (2011/9/4)
Previous Post in Series: A Hamlet Along the Path (2011/6/12)
Related Post: My First Little Guest (2011/8/1)

A Hamlet Along the Path

"A hamlet is usually a rural settlement which is too small to be considered a village....Historically, when a hamlet became large enough to justify building a church, it was then classified as a village." (Wikipedia)

I love the beauty of the mountains, but sometimes my journey seems much too slow. I'm torn between hiking the breath-taking, twisting paths and actually getting somewhere. I'm trying to be content with meeting a lone hiker now and then on the heights, but I want to plant a flag somewhere. Is my path leading anywhere, or am I merely lost in the scenery?

But wait, I've come upon a hamlet! I've found a little herd of sheep -- 8-year-old Sunday School children to be exact. I've decided to follow my little children up the grades through to graduation. I was going to continue in second-grade, but my heart changed in a moment and - with a few days of prayer - continued strong, steady, and sure (a sign I've learned to recognize as the leading of the Holy Spirit as opposed to my own excitable, thrill-seeking heart). I want to build community with my children. I want to be a friend to them, someone who knows them and who they know loves them. I want to walk life with them for the next 10 years and beyond, God-willing.

My three little children (regular attenders of my 2nd-grade small group) have their birthdays in the summer. I contemplated what I could do for them. I wondered, what would other leaders do? No, I must offer them something of myself. Ah, I know, a tea-party!! Yes, an invitation to tea! We'll dine on my deck decorated with potted flowers and herbs at a glass-top table, illuminated by the morning sun if it's shining or white lights spun around the deck rail if the daylight is muted. They'll enjoy my little wooded pond. They'll see my favorite willow tree that fell last winter and now is a delightful playground for turtles. They'll see the geese and ducks. If the cicadas are no longer singing, maybe a hummingbird will drop by.

Someday, I would like to find a rural setting where I can establish a beautiful home of hospitality with many rooms. Here, people will find a respite from the whirl of life's frenetic pace. They'll slow down, rest, and meditate on the glory of their Creator. Will these people be missionaries on break, a teenage girl who longs to know the love of Jesus, a Christian family needing short-term housing, a mother and daughter on a weekend vacation together? Will I find it along this path I travel with the children?

Perhaps my dream home is only figurative, and loving one person at a time will become the many rooms in the home of my life. So, I make the most of what I have. I say a prayer and trust my offering to Him is as jewels fit for a royal crown.

But, I don't give up the reality of my dream, for one never knows what will be around the next bend....

Next Post in Series: Secrets of the Mountain (2011/7/25)

God's Will and Purpose

So, my young friend going through her "early mid-life crisis" is afraid she's missed God's call on her life and is now a second-class Christian in God's eyes. Oh the pain of believing your God is so little. I know. I've been there. So, my plan for our next get-together is the following, entrenched with the prayer of Ephesians 1:15-23 and Colossians 1:9-10.

1. What is God's will for me? And how is it accomplished?

• I Thess 4:3a: my sanctification
• Romans 8:29: to be conformed to the image of His Son
• Eph 1:4b, Eph 5:27c, Col 1:22b: that I should be holy and blameless before Him, without blemish, above reproach
• Phil 1:6b: He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion.
• Eph 5:25b-27, I Cor 1:30: Christ loving me and giving Himself up for me sanctifies me, He cleanses me, He is my sanctification
• 2 Thess 2:13c: sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth

2. How does sanctification benefit me (Eph 2:1-7)?

• As I become more like Christ, the life God designed for man, I grow toward the fulfillment and satisfaction for which I long.

3. If God has a unique purpose/plan/calling for my life, can it be thwarted?

• Jer 1:12b, I am watching over My word to perform it.
• Isa 46:11b, I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it.
• Eph 1:11b, according to the purpose of [God] who works all things according to the counsel of His will.
• Gen 21:1, The Lord visited Sarah as He had said, and the Lord did to Sarah as He had promised.
• Jonah 1:4, 7b, 13, 14b, 17a, 2:10, 3:10-4:2
• Joseph: his brothers sold him into slavery to a far-off country where either he would die or at least they would never see him again to fulfill his dreams; God brought the dreamers to Joseph; God reminded the butler of Joseph; God gave Joseph the wisdom to answer Pharaoh's dilemma.

4. Consider characters from the Bible. What "unique purpose" defined their life as we know it? How did that unique purpose unfold in their lives? How did they respond to the situations in their life leading up to the fulfillment?

• Adam, Abraham, Sarah, Joseph, David, Esther, Ruth, Jonah, Jesus.
• All very different stories. God fulfilled the "defining" purpose in each life. Yet, which of them knew this would define their lives to future generations?
• All different responses.  Most of them simply were "in the way" of living the life set before them.

5. What if I want a different "unique purpose" than the one God is unfolding in my life?

• I Thess 5:18, In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

6. If I am not responsible for finding and fulfilling God's purpose for my life, then what am I supposed to do in this life, today?

• I participate in my sanctification by acknowledging that it is Christ who sanctifies me by His power. I look to His hand as a handmaiden looks to her mistress -- utterly dependant, completely helpless without His favor, without Him moving His hand to meet my need for sanctification. By studying the Bible, I have come to see that He desires to meet my need and that it gives Him great delight to meet my need and that this grace toward me is His glory!
• Thus, I abide in Him, meeting Him where He cleanses me; ie. in His Word, and asking Him to enlighten the eyes of my heart (Eph 1:18a ff) that I may grow in the knowledge of His will. I read and study and think on His Word. I pay close heed to the preachers, teachers, evangelists, prophets, apostles that God has placed in my life who care for my soul.
• When I know what His will is, I obey Him, thanking Him that He gives me divine power to grow in my obedience (Eph 1:19-23, Col 1:3ff).
• I remain faithful to Him (Col 1:23), continuing to meet Him in His Word, knowing that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.

7. What is the outcome of abiding in Him/His Word, of obeying Him/His Word, of remaining faithful to Him/His Word?

• John 15: He produces fruit in these good works. (Caveat: this fruit is not for me to eat -- it will not sustain or satisfy me! My sustenance is the life of Christ that abides in me.)
• He reveals more of Himself to me (the knowledge of God), producing in me greater love and greater loyalty to Him, becoming more like the One I adore.

8. Having tasted that God is good, my thirst is simultaneously quenched and peaked so that I desire to drink more from this life-giving, life-producing fountain. As I abide, obey and remain faithful, Christ's character is worked out in me and I find a deep joy and satisfaction in God, causing me to uniquely:

• love my Christian family... (John 13:34)
• do good to all men, especially those of the household of faith...(Galatians 6:10)
• build up the body of Christ... (Eph 4:12b, Col 1:28)
• do the Next Thing...(Elisabeth Elliot)
• pursue the gladness of others in God (John Piper, Don't Waste Your Life)

I may or may not know until eternity what my "unique purpose" in life is, but I will give thanks and remain faithful to what God sets before me, looking unto Jesus (and what a deep treasure that is! Col 2:3), the author and finisher of my faith.

Our God is a gracious and loving God. I love especially Ephesians where God's love for me flows on and on. Take heart, my friend. We have a hope and a future with our giving and forgiving God. Do not grow weary in well doing. There is so much to look forward to if we do not quit after stumbling.

On a good path: follow-up to Roundabout

Wow, God, you're neat!

One of the single gals from my small group that I invited over for lunch last week asked me to mentor her! I am thrilled!!! We'll meet once a month for lunch before small group. I am to encourage her in her quest for trusting God in discovering His call for her. Does that sound familiar to anyone who has known me for the past 10 years!!?? Yes, I'm only slightly ahead of her in the journey. But, four things I know with absolute certainty:

1. We will only bear fruit as we abide in the Vine. 
2. His will for us is our sanctification.
3. From the foundations of the word, He has established good works for us to do.
4. We can do all things through Christ who is our strength.

I wonder if she has any idea of the plan I have in mind for her (us!).... Being the Planner/ Educator/ Cheer Leader that I am, I will need to remember to use this as an excellent opportunity to grow in my listening and obeying the leading of God's Spirit, not merely depending on my own strengths.

Hm, yes, I think He has great plans in mind for both of us.

Roundabouts: an exercise in decision-making

I love navigating country roads in Europe thanks to Europe's directional road signs. For example, when you come upon a roundabout, cities of note are listed with an arrow pointing to the corresponding exit. It's common knowledge that the larger towns listed in the roundabouts are not necessarily the first ones down the road. They may not even be your final destination. They are simply in the direction that you will be headed. You won't get lost, as long as you know your destination.

So, last Sunday I'm sitting in church, the service has already started, and a man who looks like Ricardo sits down on my right with one person between us. I keep glancing over at him out of the corner of my eye. Is he noticing me? Does he have a ring on his finger? On my left is a non-descript middle-aged couple (that is, they are perhaps 10 years more middle-aged than I am...), and the gentleman keeps glancing at me, kindly. Do I need a piece of gum? Am I singing too loudly? Do they need more space? Then there is the preacher whose sermon is calling us to disciple younger believers. It is a call that has long been growing in my own heart. What is the road to fulfill that calling?

The sermon is coming to a close, and I'm circling in my roundabout. Ricardo? The unknown couple? The sermon action point? Stay the present course?

1. The unknown couple to my left immediately turns to introduce themselves. She's involved with discipling Christian speech students. She writes down my e-mail address to send me more information.
2. I turn around, Ricardo has disappeared....
3. I turn toward the big screen that lists the web site on disciple-making and memorize it.
4. My present course: Children's Sunday School.

A few days pass. I've not heard from my new speech friend, and the web site on disciple-making does not offer any defining information. I'm circling the roundabout, considering my options:

1. The unknown couple's invitation: I am capable, interested, and willing. Perhaps this is my next destination? Maybe. I'd either have to find the woman or wait for her to contact me in the future.
2. If Ricardo and I were to marry, would we adopt children to disciple together? Maybe. Umm, where's Ricardo...?
3. My heart rises up to encourage Christian single women in their walk with God. Perhaps the formal spring board offered at church would be a good place to start? Maybe. I'd have to investigate further.
4. My present course. Hmm, let's circle the roundabout again and reflect on what is down this road: 

• I have beautiful children with listening ears who are waiting for me in Sunday School. I can continue focusing prayer and energy into helping them internalize what they are learning about God.
• I have young single gals in my small group who respond readily to building a relationship. I can invite them over for lunch again this Sunday. 
• I have friends and family with whom I am Global Partners. I can continue focusing prayer and energy into encouraging them in their walk with God.
• I myself am conducting due diligence regarding a career change, and it is very time-consuming at the moment. So far I sense God's leading in this. Interestingly, this change would provide learning opportunities that would support discipling.

While you may continue circling in the roundabout, at some point you really should choose an exit. I can see that my present course provides ready opportunities for disciple-making and is adequately full. I have no need to change direction. I will stay the course.

In the countryside, you can follow an exit to a little town and there find a road leading to a town you skirted earlier in order to get to the one you're in now. Some days, you can go exploring. Other days, you need to stay the course. One thing is certain: You can't stall out in the roundabouts. To reach your destination, you have to make a decision.

Marriage Vow

He tells a story that frightens me
then gives a promise and soothes my heart
He makes requests that drive my head to spinning
then bids me simply slip my hand in His
He will not grant me what I need to know
but whispers secrets of His soul

I cannot turn away from Him
His words have taken root in me
I know so deeply He's the One
this Christ, this Son, Eternal God


I, Heidi Johnson, take you, Jesus - the Christ, the Son of God, to be my one spiritual husband; to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health; to love and respect, to serve and obey, until you bring me safely into your heavenly kingdom where you will present me to yourself in splendor, as holy and faultless, before God the Father as your bride for all eternity, according to God's will which He ordained before the foundation of the world.

I vow, by your divine help, to be your faithful wife, understanding that our marriage is an eternal union, and not to be entered into lightly, for the purpose of mutual fellowship, encouragement and understanding; for the procreation of spiritual children and their spiritual nurture. I hereby give myself to you in this cause, with my sacred vow before God, and thereto I pledge thee my loyalty and faithfulness.


Whom have I, O Lord, beside you?
  What have I except your love?
Where is home if not for heaven,
  there to dwell with you above?

Who are you, if not my Savior?
  Who am I if not your own?
What are you if not my shelter,
  Christ, my rock and cornerstone?

Jesus, Savior, blessed friend, I will love you without end.

Who will share my earthly sorrow?
  Who will heal my broken heart?
Who will hold my life together
  when it seems to fall apart?

When the fears are far too many,
  and the joys are far too few,
Who will comfort and defend me?
  Only you, Lord only you.

Jesus, Savior, dearest friend, I will trust you without end.

Where, O Lord, when life is over,
  can I go, but home to you?
What have I except the promise
  where you are I shall be too?

When at last I reach the comfort
  of that bright celestrial place,
There with joy will I behold you,
  gaze upon your glorious face.

Jesus, Savior, heav'nly friend, I will praise you without end.
I will praise you without end.

Jesus, Savior, Blessed Friend
Deborah Govenor
Beckenhorst Press, 1988

Keep on Keeping on

Do you ever feel like giving up? That the work in your hand is too much for you? Perhaps you have a first-hand understanding of what follows; whether you do or not, I hope you find it encouraging, just as I have. 

I joined a gym last month and have been working out with a trainer. He has really pushed me during our sessions. I don't think I've ever poured sweat before in my life! Well, he was working me really hard on the machines and weights, and I honestly could barely finish out my sets...my muscles were burning and shaking. I didn't know where the strength would come from to finish. "Come on, Heidi, you can do it. Just five more," he would say. And I would groan loudly and pathetically. Yet, somehow, each time I did it! Well, one time near the end of our first workout session when I honestly didn't think I would make it, I through my head back in a dramatic plea for mercy, and I saw the reason I was always able to make it through to the utmost expenditure of my strength: he was bearing the weight that I could not.

Now, you may already know this, but when you are weight lifting, you are actually tearing down the muscle. It's during the rest period that the healing and building of the muscles happens. I wanted to rest, but what my trainer understood and was obviously doing, was giving me the opportunity to break down as much muscle as I was physically and safely capable of doing so that I could then build as much muscle as I was physically capable of building. I just had to trust him and keep on keeping on.

It gave me a physical example of what God is doing in those verses that talk about His upholding us and not letting us be shaken, that in our weakness He is strong. So, my friends, let us encourage each other to keep on keeping on -- trusting and looking to the One who is working for us...even when it feels like we will fail. 

The Fray

Thirty-nine years, six months, twelve days, twelve hours, ten minutes, sixty-seven seconds. With each grasp, you find the rope thinning, and you realize the place you've come to is frayed, the strands fine hairs.  Dreaming long gave way to Surviving, and you've since worn hope to tatters. Your grip is locked, you cannot go forward, you will eventually fall.  You cannot save yourself, there is no other to rescue you.

Hands frozen, breathing shallow, eyes glazed and staring beyond the fray; a word trickles off your lips, down the corners of your mouth, ...oh, God, make me strong....

Be Strong, says a voice, pragmatic and thoughtful. Be Strong -- in the Lord, in the power of His might.

Do you want your grasp to hold and the strength to carry on? If you have accepted Christ's sacrifice as the punishment you should have received from God for your sins, then you have been given peace with God and confident access to the might that raised Christ, the Righteous One, from the grave and put all things under His feet and all power into His hand. Take up and use what has been given you. The strength to carry on comes only by advancing in the accurate use of truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, and the Spirit -- moment by moment, hand over hand. One caveat: these tools must grow on you, from the inside out and is only accomplished through the personal mentorship of Christ Himself. 

This may not lead you where you thought you were going. But it is the only option to live. Let's see where it will take you....

And, by the way, you will not fall, for you are in His hand.

(Ephesians 6:10-18, Ephesians 1:15-23, Ephesians 2:13-18, John 15:4-11, John 10:29)

Self-Induced Humiliation

So, He and I didn't do much talking about this request He had made. Of course I wanted to want to grant His request, and I wondered why I not only hesitated, but resented His request. I envisioned myself stripped of the delight that comes in serving, not because I have to serve, but because I am free not to serve. I had known such a master before, and never wanted to taste of that flavor again.

Then He reminded me of how gracious my day-job employer is, and how much I have come to enjoy working for her, and that she is imperfect, unlike Him. If I saw my working for her as a gift from Him, would not working for Him be joy unspeakable? And yet, the humiliation of the demotion from home owner to servant in what used to be my own home. None-the-less, I moved my things quietly into the servant's quarters. I would trust Him even in my humiliation.

However, that was not my complete humiliation. After moving, I forged about in my possessions to find the deed to slip it under His door. But when I pulled out the paper, I found to my chagrin, that the house was not in my name, nor ever had been. It had once belonged to one called Serpant, but had been bought by my houseguest. The house in which I had played Lady and Hostess, was not my own. How could I, after resenting His request to be Lord of His own house, how could I ever show my face again before Him? But by now, I knew Him well enough to know How gracious He would be.

As depressing thoughts of perpetual servanthood rolled over me, I remembered His servants from former ages. He told them He no longer considered them servants, but friends. They also loved serving Him so much, that they insisted on remaining in the capacity of servanthood. I wondered if I would ever reach either point. And then, He kindly sent me a note one morning. It told how those who lift themselves up above everyone else, His father will humble, but those who humble themselves, i.e. put themselves lower than they or others think worthy, His father will lift up at the perfect time. Yes, I had usurped a position that had not been mine, and I had been humbled, though, admittedly, ever so gently. I can learn to fully trust a Master like that. And, I have the secure hope, that in serving my Master humbly, His Father (and He always does the will of His Father) will not kick me into a corner to rot or rust away.

Now the need is to keep my eyes on Him, to Abide in Him all the more, lest I fall short in my serving; for my serving is no longer simply what delights me, but rather, what delights Him.


I just reported for duty, and He gave me a bosom of a hug. "I love you," he said. "Even though I am now a servant?" was my embarrrased reply. "You have always been a servant." This is a good beginning.

When God Becomes Possessive

I have had such joy in serving Jesus. I've delighted in welcoming Him more and more into my life. I've learned to look to Him more often and more quickly for advice. He has become my best friend who shares in all my joys and sorrows, thoroughly understanding me, loving me to the deepest, darkest crevasse. I've grown in my love of learning more about Him, delighting more in who He is, what He is to me personally. He is my protector, my provider. He has been my companion when I feel alone in this beautiful apartment. I tell Him how grateful I am for His gifts, how I lean on His promise to always be with me, to always give me His peace and grace in the midst of life, and I've welcomed and wanted Him as my source of Life.

Tonight as I was spilling my heart to Him, I told Him I was sick of being filled with Me. Not Me in a bad way, just as in too much. Like too much ice-cream. Like a body that has become toxic from 39 years of a little too much of this and a little too much of that, a little indulgence here, there...Not more than most, and maybe even a little less...., but still, I had reached a saturation point, and I do not like feeling ill.

Then it dawned on me -- the way He often communicates, I find -- that I really should think of my person and body as His. Not as, I AM GOD, nor as "my body belongs to Him." Rather, and quite simply, it's not mine. There is no mine. There's no more personal or possessive I, Me, My, or Mine. It's a new way of thinking. Now, it is only Him. What does God want to eat tonight? What is good for His digestive system? What does He want to do tonight? How does He want to respond to that comment? Yes! I could do this! I like serving Him! Well, I guess I am more selfish than I know, so I will need His doing it in me -- that much I've already learned. But, Yes, I am willing and want to do start thinking this way. This is a spiritual milestone.

But I guess that wasn't enough for Him. A few moments later as I was doing something I believed He wanted, ie, praying for my friends, He suddenly asked me if I would be willing to give Him the deed to my house. My house?! (Yeah, you know the parable.) But it's not as though I have any dark closets to hide! I had Delighted in serving Him. I loved making Him feel welcomed and wanted. He knew I wanted Him to stay forever. I had just disposed of myself for Him. We were working in tandem. Partners. Lovers. He in the Lead. And now, He wants to take away my house for Himself? And then, in the next breath, He asks me to stay as His servant. His servant?? His Servant! Not His houseguest!! His servant!!! That means I can't go off and pout when I want to! Or take a break in "MY ROOM" when I want to! Or be ALONE when I want to! What type of ungrateful GUEST IS HE!?!?! Uh-huh, caught it. My face froze, my joy de-escalted, my heart went into mini-spasms of fear and resentment.

But, you probably guessed it. I had been praying about this very thing, had just finished reading "The Cambridge Seven" by John Polluck. The closing line was a quote from C.T. Studd, "God does not deal with you until you are wholly given up to Him, and then He will tell you what He would have you do."  He was talking about God's call. You know I've been desiring that for, oh...25 years or so, but was content with just abiding on a day to day basis, or not. I want the deeper, abiding presence of God in all His glory, in all His power, and -- though I don't want to say it, I know it's part of the package -- all His sufferings.

He knows and I know I'll give him the Deed, but He chose not to press it any more tonight and is staying in the Guest Room. I guess I should knock on His door for a heart to heart chat, because that may be what He wants instead of sleep tonight....


"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Phil 1:6