I am excited to say that I have accepted a teaching position in a local private school. Teacher training begins August 4, student classes begin September 3. I will be teaching 8th grade -- an age-group that I enjoy and a grade I, myself, remember as being one of the hardest years of my life.
This was one of four positions I was actively pursuing and was one of two considerations that would provide a full-time ministry opportunity this fall. Deciding between the two ministries was going to be very difficult for me. I asked God to give me very clear direction: open and closed doors, peace, inclination of heart. And He has done that in a deeply meaningful way.
I believe with great anticipation that He has a special purpose in this as I seek to develop relationships with students on a daily basis in this Christian environment. I look forward to another year in Minneapolis, working with my precious children at church, continuing to grow under the ministry at my home church, and I am glad to continue to be near family, friends, and the beauty of Minnesota.
I will admit that I have experienced frequent moments of intense fear due to the dramatic life changes that will take place because of entering ministry. But, these are things I have desired: trusting God at new levels and in new areas while pursuing the call that He has placed in my heart. And God has faithfully been reminding me of His promises -- promises I've been teaching my children in Sunday School. Most fundamental of all: He will never leave me or forsake me, which means all His other promises are continuously available to me.
Praise to God who has remembered me and listened to my cry.
Previous Related Post: The Journey of Faith Includes Signposts (May 1, 2013)
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
The Journey of Faith Includes Signposts
So much has been happening in my heart this year regarding career direction, and so far it has coincided with the closed doors I've run into. I'm only part way across the stream, so to speak; yet, I think I can identify stepping stones behind me -- though not yet the shoreline in front of me. I'll share these stepping stones with you and tell you where/how I'm looking for the next step. This is a long one....
1. A number of years ago, my former pastor said that a calling is something we can not NOT do. Something deep inside us compels us to move forward regardless of the losses, the pain, the inconveniences that may be association with it. I believe this "something" is a joy which God sets before us...(Heb 12:2), a joy associated with the good works He has prepared beforehand for us (Eph 2:10) that He will bring to pass in His time.
2. I'll confess that a desire for my comfort has always lodged tightly within a corner of my heart. God gave me those comforts for many years, and I felt their "leanness" (Ps 106:15). Yet, even in the midst of that, He graciously gave me wonderful fruit that I might "taste and see that God is good," leading to a desire for more fruit. But what, when, how? Then God gave me this "severe mercy" of an extended season of unemployment. During this time, I've had a strong impression -- a Holy Spirit boldness, you could say -- to believe He will direct me into using my gifts, even if that means loss of comforts. But, is that indeed the "shoreline" ahead of me that I can't yet see?
3. February 17, our new pastor preached from 1 Peter 4:10-11. One point was on the general categories of the gifts God gives us: speaking gifts and serving gifts. God opened my eyes to the obvious: my gifts are in communication. There is a joy, an exhilaration in using our gifts. Huh, so it's not just a "performance high" when I teach and speak and act and....!
4. February 20, I spoke with one of our pastors who has helped me walk through some difficult times previously. I told him I thought God might be calling me to ministry, asked him if he, knowing me as he does, could bless that. He unequivocally said Yes! He also gave me a great little book, "Just Do Something" by Kevin DeYoung, reminding me that God is sovereign -- He can be trusted to open and close doors.
5. February 20, a friend was talking about the difference between a "commercial artist" -- someone who uses their art to make a living -- and the artist who uses art to express their heart. I stood in a moment of Eureka! realizing there is a difference and that I am the artist who is motivated to express her heart. What is in my heart is the message of God's amazing love for His children.
6. April 1, I had an interview at an outstanding international company -- a privilege and honor. That would be a great place to work, yet everything in me cringed, rebelled, cried out, vomited NO!!!! My heart is for full-time ministry.
7. April 14, another message from my pastor, this one from 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 on God's comfort. One statement that found its home in my heart (not verbatim): the place for each of us to minister is in that place where God has ministered to us. All of my life, God has given me the profound gift of being surrounded by the Gospel and solid Biblical teaching, grounding me in Biblical knowledge and understanding. But I slipped through the cracks: I was a good girl who suffered silently with deep, unresolved pain, questioning the goodness of God. But, God mercifully met me in that pain and showed me His deep, perfect love for me, and it opened the floodgates of His presence. I have an uncontainable longing to share that beautiful, life-giving truth with others who are suffering in their struggle with spiritual disillusionment, to equip and disciple learners with the solid foundation of the truth of God's character needed for the joyous, victorious Christian walk.
8. I've heard my small group leader from church say multiple times: construct an experiment. And that's what I've been doing these past months: writing a variety of business communications, teaching Sunday School, volunteering as a representative or greeter at various conferences, and volunteering at TreeHouse - a Christian ministry that reaches out to hurting teens. Another "experiment" is trusting God to open or close doors as I continue to apply often to various jobs. I've had some good leads and interviews, but each one reminds me that my heart is not there, and each door has closed so far. On the other hand, my Sunday School teaching and volunteer work at TreeHouse have served to remind me where I do feel that deep joy.
My sense of Calling is growing. I'm seeing pivotal things starting to happen. Some steps in front of me, some possible decisions to be made.
So, what's next? I am knocking on doors and constructing larger experiments. I am continuing to apply for various jobs; pursuing deeper involvement with, making inquiries into, and conducting conversations & observations with specific ministries. I'm also looking forward to preparing for teaching and mentoring at my church's Junior High camp the end of June!!
Will you pray for God to go before me on these larger experiments?
Will you pray for my continued abiding in Jesus, both in thought and time?
Will you pray that when fear grabs hold of me I will cling tightly to Truth?
Will you praise God with me that He is sovereign in all things -- humongous and minuscule!
And so this crazy roller coaster, Adventure of Thrill and Terror, whizzes on...!
Next Related Post: The End of One Journey: The Beginning of Another (2013/6/4) Previous Related Post: Faithful Provider (2013/2/18)
1. A number of years ago, my former pastor said that a calling is something we can not NOT do. Something deep inside us compels us to move forward regardless of the losses, the pain, the inconveniences that may be association with it. I believe this "something" is a joy which God sets before us...(Heb 12:2), a joy associated with the good works He has prepared beforehand for us (Eph 2:10) that He will bring to pass in His time.
2. I'll confess that a desire for my comfort has always lodged tightly within a corner of my heart. God gave me those comforts for many years, and I felt their "leanness" (Ps 106:15). Yet, even in the midst of that, He graciously gave me wonderful fruit that I might "taste and see that God is good," leading to a desire for more fruit. But what, when, how? Then God gave me this "severe mercy" of an extended season of unemployment. During this time, I've had a strong impression -- a Holy Spirit boldness, you could say -- to believe He will direct me into using my gifts, even if that means loss of comforts. But, is that indeed the "shoreline" ahead of me that I can't yet see?
3. February 17, our new pastor preached from 1 Peter 4:10-11. One point was on the general categories of the gifts God gives us: speaking gifts and serving gifts. God opened my eyes to the obvious: my gifts are in communication. There is a joy, an exhilaration in using our gifts. Huh, so it's not just a "performance high" when I teach and speak and act and....!
4. February 20, I spoke with one of our pastors who has helped me walk through some difficult times previously. I told him I thought God might be calling me to ministry, asked him if he, knowing me as he does, could bless that. He unequivocally said Yes! He also gave me a great little book, "Just Do Something" by Kevin DeYoung, reminding me that God is sovereign -- He can be trusted to open and close doors.
5. February 20, a friend was talking about the difference between a "commercial artist" -- someone who uses their art to make a living -- and the artist who uses art to express their heart. I stood in a moment of Eureka! realizing there is a difference and that I am the artist who is motivated to express her heart. What is in my heart is the message of God's amazing love for His children.
6. April 1, I had an interview at an outstanding international company -- a privilege and honor. That would be a great place to work, yet everything in me cringed, rebelled, cried out, vomited NO!!!! My heart is for full-time ministry.
7. April 14, another message from my pastor, this one from 2 Corinthians 1:3-7 on God's comfort. One statement that found its home in my heart (not verbatim): the place for each of us to minister is in that place where God has ministered to us. All of my life, God has given me the profound gift of being surrounded by the Gospel and solid Biblical teaching, grounding me in Biblical knowledge and understanding. But I slipped through the cracks: I was a good girl who suffered silently with deep, unresolved pain, questioning the goodness of God. But, God mercifully met me in that pain and showed me His deep, perfect love for me, and it opened the floodgates of His presence. I have an uncontainable longing to share that beautiful, life-giving truth with others who are suffering in their struggle with spiritual disillusionment, to equip and disciple learners with the solid foundation of the truth of God's character needed for the joyous, victorious Christian walk.
8. I've heard my small group leader from church say multiple times: construct an experiment. And that's what I've been doing these past months: writing a variety of business communications, teaching Sunday School, volunteering as a representative or greeter at various conferences, and volunteering at TreeHouse - a Christian ministry that reaches out to hurting teens. Another "experiment" is trusting God to open or close doors as I continue to apply often to various jobs. I've had some good leads and interviews, but each one reminds me that my heart is not there, and each door has closed so far. On the other hand, my Sunday School teaching and volunteer work at TreeHouse have served to remind me where I do feel that deep joy.
My sense of Calling is growing. I'm seeing pivotal things starting to happen. Some steps in front of me, some possible decisions to be made.
So, what's next? I am knocking on doors and constructing larger experiments. I am continuing to apply for various jobs; pursuing deeper involvement with, making inquiries into, and conducting conversations & observations with specific ministries. I'm also looking forward to preparing for teaching and mentoring at my church's Junior High camp the end of June!!
Will you pray for God to go before me on these larger experiments?
Will you pray for my continued abiding in Jesus, both in thought and time?
Will you pray that when fear grabs hold of me I will cling tightly to Truth?
Will you praise God with me that He is sovereign in all things -- humongous and minuscule!
And so this crazy roller coaster, Adventure of Thrill and Terror, whizzes on...!
Next Related Post: The End of One Journey: The Beginning of Another (2013/6/4) Previous Related Post: Faithful Provider (2013/2/18)
Saturday, March 9, 2013
The Ravaging of Her Heart
At first, she seems to fit the norm.
The clothes, the hair, the arch of brow,
The confidence, the smile, the lilt in her laugh.
She's a study in perfection. Perfect Perfection.
The more they watch, the more they see.
Little chips begin to fall: a quick glance, a hardened lip,
a fidgeting finger, a tapping toe.
They could smell it: a secret, unspoken gem.
Extractions taste good. The salivation begins.
Study the persona, find the cracks. The treasure lies within.
Victory for the first to bring it out alive.
Thoughts, obsession, senses piqued.
The circling begins. The cravings grow mad.
Careful, careful, don't spook our doe.
Wait, watch, carefully strip her down.
When she starts, quiet her with a gentle hand.
She's escaped. Wild One rushed the day.
But she'll be back, too committed to run.
And they will be waiting, counting down the ticks,
slowly, smoothly, licking honey from their lips.
Ah, yes - she's swallowed the bait,
believed the best. Thank you, Puppet King.
She's playing her role, speaking her line,
walking dutifully into the den.
Pounce, love, Pounce again.
Demand, sooth, Demand again.
Get the gang, no escape.
Pounce, Demand, pour the oil.
She's not giving, tough one. She may not give it.
Then take it! Reach in and take it!
Disgusting, she's a noisy one. Press her down, hold her down.
Ring it from her, tear the cord!
Let's see how good they are:
Smooth it over, save her face,
Let her hide her barrenness.
Eat the treasure, blood running from your lips,
torn flesh beneath your fingertips.
Savor the taste, the fullness.
You won the prize, Ugly Witch.
You're so good at this.
The clothes, the hair, the arch of brow,
The confidence, the smile, the lilt in her laugh.
She's a study in perfection. Perfect Perfection.
The more they watch, the more they see.
Little chips begin to fall: a quick glance, a hardened lip,
a fidgeting finger, a tapping toe.
They could smell it: a secret, unspoken gem.
Extractions taste good. The salivation begins.
Study the persona, find the cracks. The treasure lies within.
Victory for the first to bring it out alive.
Thoughts, obsession, senses piqued.
The circling begins. The cravings grow mad.
Careful, careful, don't spook our doe.
Wait, watch, carefully strip her down.
When she starts, quiet her with a gentle hand.
She's escaped. Wild One rushed the day.
But she'll be back, too committed to run.
And they will be waiting, counting down the ticks,
slowly, smoothly, licking honey from their lips.
Ah, yes - she's swallowed the bait,
believed the best. Thank you, Puppet King.
She's playing her role, speaking her line,
walking dutifully into the den.
Pounce, love, Pounce again.
Demand, sooth, Demand again.
Get the gang, no escape.
Pounce, Demand, pour the oil.
She's not giving, tough one. She may not give it.
Then take it! Reach in and take it!
Disgusting, she's a noisy one. Press her down, hold her down.
Ring it from her, tear the cord!
Let's see how good they are:
Smooth it over, save her face,
Let her hide her barrenness.
Eat the treasure, blood running from your lips,
torn flesh beneath your fingertips.
Savor the taste, the fullness.
You won the prize, Ugly Witch.
You're so good at this.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Faithful Provider
Last Monday night I received a call informing me that I was not chosen for a position I had strongly desired. Curiously, an amazing series of events had occurred throughout the application and selection process that naturally might have caused me to expect an equally amazing outcome. Had this disappointing end occurred six months earlier, I would secretly have suspected it as God Leading Me On With False Hopes or Me Reading Into Circumstances.
However, God, who daily leads me along the path of life, continues His good work of decreasing the distance between my mind, full of knowledge about Him, and my heart, full of desperate need of Him, and because God has during these months been nursing this merging process with massive servings of His Word, my spiritual eye sight is improving. The result is that I see in those amazing series of events an Almighty God displaying to my anemic heart the capability of His loving power for me, a power that He will again display with a thrilling outcome when the time is right.
Pray for me that I continue to come for nourishment to the breast of my loving, faithful provider.
However, God, who daily leads me along the path of life, continues His good work of decreasing the distance between my mind, full of knowledge about Him, and my heart, full of desperate need of Him, and because God has during these months been nursing this merging process with massive servings of His Word, my spiritual eye sight is improving. The result is that I see in those amazing series of events an Almighty God displaying to my anemic heart the capability of His loving power for me, a power that He will again display with a thrilling outcome when the time is right.
Pray for me that I continue to come for nourishment to the breast of my loving, faithful provider.
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Psalm 16:11
Next Related Post: The Journey of Faith Includes Signposts (2013/5/1)
Previous Related Post: Faith Is a Vulnerable Journey (2013/2/16)
Previous Related Post: Faith Is a Vulnerable Journey (2013/2/16)
Saturday, February 16, 2013
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14. A restful diversion for my busy mind: the physical exertion of tracking animals in the snow-packed woods, knowing my Father feeds them.
— Sylvan Soliloquy (@SylvanSoliloquy) February 17, 2013
Faith Is a Vulnerable Journey
Over the past six months of unemployment, my faith in God has grown deeper and richer, as I have experienced His goodness and greatness on my behalf. This morning, after a dear friend told me that her faith is encouraged by the stories I tell her of my journey (as is mine in hearing hers).
This is a vulnerable journey. I don't know the lands and cities through which it will lead or the events and circumstances to come along the way, nor do I know where or when it will end; however, I do know the purpose of the journey: my multi-faceted joy in becoming more like Jesus, my Savior; the encouragement of our faith; and the resulting exaltation of the magnificence of our good, all-powerful, sovereign God.
Next Related Post: Faithful Provider (2013/2/18)
Previous Related Post: Wait in Faith (2013/1/2)
This is a vulnerable journey. I don't know the lands and cities through which it will lead or the events and circumstances to come along the way, nor do I know where or when it will end; however, I do know the purpose of the journey: my multi-faceted joy in becoming more like Jesus, my Savior; the encouragement of our faith; and the resulting exaltation of the magnificence of our good, all-powerful, sovereign God.
Next Related Post: Faithful Provider (2013/2/18)
Previous Related Post: Wait in Faith (2013/1/2)
Friday, February 8, 2013
Winter Refreshment
Today, I spent two and a half hours tracking deer, fox, squirrel, snow shoers, cross-country skiers, and another hiker; I also wished upon a stream.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
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9. She circled the frozen pond in silence again, sorting her thoughts, focused, the cold air nibbling unnoticed on her fingertips and nose.
— Sylvan Soliloquy (@SylvanSoliloquy) February 7, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Balaam's Pass
I want, I must; It is not good.
It is not sin; It won't bear fruit.
I have a need; Your need is me.
I can't say No. Then go.
You would be lean?
I've not been full.
You won't have me?
I'll have much more. Then go.
REMEMBER THE QUAIL!
REMEMBER THE FIRE!
REMEMBER THE SWORD!
REMEMBER BALAAM'S PASS!
My steps they freeze.
My hand withdraws.
My mind it whirls.
You can't mean me?
Listen And Heed!
Do Not Go!
The Way Is Blocked!
You'll Return No More!
I pull away, I dare not go.
He chose to stop me in the pass.
He stooped to speak as Balaam's ass.
My God, I clutch, he loves me.
My mercy cries out,
My fullness stoops.
Come, let me fill you;
I will quiet you with my love.
I return. I rest. I receive.
I love. I thank. I praise.
He adorns my head with jewels.
He prunes my darkness and makes way for light.
It is not sin; It won't bear fruit.
I have a need; Your need is me.
I can't say No. Then go.
You would be lean?
I've not been full.
You won't have me?
I'll have much more. Then go.
REMEMBER THE QUAIL!
REMEMBER THE FIRE!
REMEMBER THE SWORD!
REMEMBER BALAAM'S PASS!
My steps they freeze.
My hand withdraws.
My mind it whirls.
You can't mean me?
Listen And Heed!
Do Not Go!
The Way Is Blocked!
You'll Return No More!
I pull away, I dare not go.
He chose to stop me in the pass.
He stooped to speak as Balaam's ass.
My God, I clutch, he loves me.
My mercy cries out,
My fullness stoops.
Come, let me fill you;
I will quiet you with my love.
I return. I rest. I receive.
I love. I thank. I praise.
He adorns my head with jewels.
He prunes my darkness and makes way for light.
Monday, January 7, 2013
A Dream
I dreamed a dream, and in my dream I awoke under the thick protective bows of a pine tree. The rain had stopped, and the rising sun was casting its filtered rays into my bedchamber of warm, dry pine needles. The scent of spring rose all around me. I heard a bird singing the morning soliloquy, and then more birds joining in the chorus harmony. In the curtain of bows around me, I found a peep hole through which I saw pink tulips, their mouths open wide with dew on their white lips, turned toward the sun, happy.
And then a voice gently called my name. If anyone else had been with me, they could not have heard the call. I pushed back the bows and entered an old garden, long-forgotten yet beautiful. There were marble statues with wind-blown dirt packed into their crevasses, accenting the beautiful artistry of the hand that carved them. A little pond lay across the way, where a dainty red fox was drinking from its coolness.
"This garden I am giving to you to build up what others see as ruined and to plant what others see as desolate," said the Shepherd; for though I could not see Him, I knew my Shepherd's voice.
"How can this be," I asked?
"I have spoken it, and I will do it."
The sun rose full, shining with all its beauty, into my eyes; I was wearing a glorious new garment and beautiful jewels.
Ezekiel 36, Isaiah 61
Previous Post in Series: Into the Storm
And then a voice gently called my name. If anyone else had been with me, they could not have heard the call. I pushed back the bows and entered an old garden, long-forgotten yet beautiful. There were marble statues with wind-blown dirt packed into their crevasses, accenting the beautiful artistry of the hand that carved them. A little pond lay across the way, where a dainty red fox was drinking from its coolness.
"This garden I am giving to you to build up what others see as ruined and to plant what others see as desolate," said the Shepherd; for though I could not see Him, I knew my Shepherd's voice.
"How can this be," I asked?
"I have spoken it, and I will do it."
The sun rose full, shining with all its beauty, into my eyes; I was wearing a glorious new garment and beautiful jewels.
Ezekiel 36, Isaiah 61
Previous Post in Series: Into the Storm
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Wait in Faith
I am continuing my search for the new job which God already has designated for me. One of the best lessons I'm learning during this period of waiting is to wait in faith.
Three times within the last few weeks, God has encouraged me with specific answers to prayer. He is very kind to tell me -- again -- that He is with me and He is listening to me and He is working for me. One such answer happened the week before Christmas. That Wednesday, I had followed-up on a job lead that had seemed to have fizzled out. Two days later on Friday morning, God impressed on my heart to ask for what I wanted. "I don't know what I want," I responded. "There's so many options out there that I don't even know about, and I don't even know that anything is exactly what I would want." But He seemed to impress me to ask from that which I did know. And so, on my knees, I asked for one in particular. The day went by in searching and applying to more job leads, and, as so often occurs, I forgot about my morning prayer. However, God did not forget. At 5:00, the hiring manager from that particular company called me to answer my follow-up phone call from Wednesday. They have my resume in their consideration pile, she confirmed I had spoken with one of their VPs, and that they would begin the selection process after the holidays. We enjoyed a quick, pleasant exchange. And now, I work and I wait and I trust that "He works for those who wait for Him."
From my readings in George Mueller's biography, I have learned that often God chooses not to answer until the very last moment, not because He is unable, unconcerned, or even sadistic, but because He loves the time together in prayer and child-like dependence.
I wish you each a new year of intimate joy with our Father, Savior, Master, Friend, Beloved.
Next Related Post: Faith Is Vulnerable Journey (2013/2/16)
Previous Related Post: A New Journey Begins (2012/08/1)
Three times within the last few weeks, God has encouraged me with specific answers to prayer. He is very kind to tell me -- again -- that He is with me and He is listening to me and He is working for me. One such answer happened the week before Christmas. That Wednesday, I had followed-up on a job lead that had seemed to have fizzled out. Two days later on Friday morning, God impressed on my heart to ask for what I wanted. "I don't know what I want," I responded. "There's so many options out there that I don't even know about, and I don't even know that anything is exactly what I would want." But He seemed to impress me to ask from that which I did know. And so, on my knees, I asked for one in particular. The day went by in searching and applying to more job leads, and, as so often occurs, I forgot about my morning prayer. However, God did not forget. At 5:00, the hiring manager from that particular company called me to answer my follow-up phone call from Wednesday. They have my resume in their consideration pile, she confirmed I had spoken with one of their VPs, and that they would begin the selection process after the holidays. We enjoyed a quick, pleasant exchange. And now, I work and I wait and I trust that "He works for those who wait for Him."
From my readings in George Mueller's biography, I have learned that often God chooses not to answer until the very last moment, not because He is unable, unconcerned, or even sadistic, but because He loves the time together in prayer and child-like dependence.
I wish you each a new year of intimate joy with our Father, Savior, Master, Friend, Beloved.
Next Related Post: Faith Is Vulnerable Journey (2013/2/16)
Previous Related Post: A New Journey Begins (2012/08/1)
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